I’ve been single four
years this month, and for the most part I have enjoyed it. You don’t have to
constantly consider someone else in every decision you make, you get all the
quiet and space you could possibly want, and there is zero conflict –that’s my
favourite part.
However, after four years
it becomes a little tedious and, yes, quite lonely.
I wish I could count how
many times a friend has said to me, “My husband works away so I know how you
feel. It’s like I’m single most of the time anyway.” Or something to that
affect.
Well, I can tell you
right now, “NO, you don’t. And NO, it’s not.”
Your husband works away,
you miss him when he’s gone. Do you know how much I wish I had someone to miss?
You speak to him every
day, at least once a day. I sometimes go weeks without a single adult
conversation, let alone a conversation with someone who has a vested interest
in my life.
That brings me to my next
point –you have someone with a vested interest in your life, and what happens
to you day to day. I have myself to worry about myself, that’s it. And friends
don’t count, they have their own lives and their own futures to plan.
There’s another factor –you
have someone to plan with. Holidays, weekends, your life. If I want to go
somewhere, I go alone. And holidays, forget it. There’s no second income to be
able to afford a holiday.
Which brings me to my
next point –you have a man who works away. The key word in that sentence being works. There is someone who is willing
to contribute financially to you and your future. Being a single parent leaves
me with very little financial capacity and a substantially bleak financial
future.
You have children? Yes? You
also have someone contributing to their upbringing. Someone other than yourself
who wants what’s best for them and their futures. My children have me, and only
me. And most of the time I’m enough, but having that burden of knowing that whatever
decision I make for them could be wrong is a heavy one to carry alone.
And that’s another
playing factor –you always have someone to act as your sounding board, someone
who can offer another perspective and help you make decisions. And, again, that
someone has a reason to care about the outcome, because it is their life also. My
decisions are made by myself, and my sounding boards are friends or family who,
let’s face it, don’t really care about the end result all that much because it
doesn’t directly affect them.
Lastly –well these are not the only things that differentiate the two but I fear I’m beginning to sound a little bitter so
I’ll leave it here– your husband might work away for a week at a time, but he
comes home for a week as well. No one comes home to me, ever!
So
that’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. And please don’t interpret this as a
lonely, desperate, single mother lashing out at those more fortunate –that’s not
what it’s about. I truly am happy with my life. Would I like someone to share
it with? Sure! But I’m happy enough for now.
And
I’m truly happy for those of you who have someone to share your
lives with. I would never begrudge anyone that contentedness.
I
just want those of you who DO have a husband, a wife, a partner, whatever, to
please stop comparing your lives with “being single”… there is nothing comparable
about it!!!
I
love you all, coupled, single, or in between, and I wish all of you all the
happiness in the world and for your futures. And I wish the same for me!
